Monday, December 10, 2007

Two Americas, No Endorsement


















Former Senator John Edwards began our discussion by informing us that there are two Americas. (Mr. Edwards is a Democrat, one of two primary political parties in the United States, but these two parties, as he explained to us, are not the same thing as the two Americas.)

Mr Edwards first described his two Americas as the "rich" America and the "poor" America. After some questioning, followed by our insistence that having a one-story house does not constitute "poor" a lengthy argument erupted (please pray for Asashoryu, he has not handled the adjustments that travel necessitates well, and, following a narrowly avoided cavity search at LAX, has been quite disturbed.) over our abilities to understand certain subtleties of the English language.

Eventually Mr. Edward retreated to the description of the two Americas as "normal" and a word we were not familiar with -- "yucky." He went on to explain that he is in the normal America, but claims rights to the votes of yucky Americans (Mr. Edwards assures us that there are far more yucky voters than normal voters).

The right Mr. Edwards claims to the yucky voters caused some confusion, but in order to prevent another altercation, I did not insist on a full understanding. As I have it, and again, I did not fully understand, Mr. Edwards will win the yucky voters with the promise of making nearly all of the normal Americans yucky as well. This is especially important, forgive me if I misunderstood, because of global warming. Normal Americans are much better at causing the global warming -- or not causing it, perhaps.

To be honest, these last details were not terribly important to me. A great leader must seek to unite a diverse people. In such, Mr. Edwards is the very antithesis of a Great Kahn, and cannot wield power, even if it is handed to him.

I have been told not to make an endorsement, or rule out an endorsement, until I have spoken with all of the candidates, but I am the Great Khagan of Mongolia, and my decision stands.

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