Close, Senator McCain, Close

Navy Captain John S. McCain served the United States with great courage in the Vietnam War, forsaking the privileges of his birth for the harshest trials of self-learned honor. He also repeatedly bridled against authority, crimes that would have led to his death in my armies. So I approached our interview of him with great intrigue.

We discussed a great many matters -- the loyalty he cultivated from junior officers, the frequent disdain he held for senior officers, the role of the legislature in military policy, the current complexities in the Middle East, etc. Eventually the discussion turned to interrogations, where I noted that he had spoken forcefully against the technique known as waterboarding. His answer was quite frank:

"It doesn't work -- all it produces is a bunch of bad information, and I'm the only candidate that can say that. Yeah, I've got Huckabee saying it too, but the guy's a pansy and he looks afraid of the deep side of the pool -- just look at him. And Romney, don't even get me started on Romney. You want Romney to talk just give him a $50 campaign contribution and he'll spill his guts and his principals all at once. Giuliani? They'll never take him alive, so it hardly matters, does it? He can't talk about torture because deep down we all know he'd do it to any of us in a heartbeat. So I'm the only one that can talk about it. The Viet Cong broke half my bones, and you know what I did? I gave them the Packers offense lineup, that's what I did. Yeah, and -- hey, what's the longest you ever had a guy hold out on you?"

That sort of question makes me very uncomfortable, but given that he was an abused POW for over five years, I decided I'd give him the dignity of an honest answer. "Four minutes, fifty seconds."

"Wow! They beat me for days before getting anything out of me. You're saying nobody lasted five minutes with you?"

"As we both know," I replied respectfully, "the most coercive methods are not physical, but mental."

He chewed on this silently for several minutes, then he said what I feared most. "Show me."

We fought over the point for a half hour, during which time I witnessed first hand the McCain temper, as well as his innate disrespect for those of higher rank than himself. I suffered through much verbal abuse, to the point where Asashoryu was nearly in tears over the matter. So I gave in. I quietly asked Asashoryu and Jimmy to leave the Senator and I alone. They did, and Senator McCain held himself bravely.

For two minutes I sat silently, staring at a spot on the floor. Then I looked blankly around the room, as though I were alone, and asked myself aloud, "Where did the Senator go? I did not mean for him to leave." He waved his hands.

I continued to look blankly and he called out, "What do you mean? I'm right here. Are you daft? Hello? Hello?" This, of course, I ignored. Again I sat back silently, as his agitation turned to panic. "Oh, I get it. You're ignoring me, aren't you? Hey, cut it out. You can't ignore me! I'm a Senator, a maverick Senator. Stop it! Please, look at me. Say something about me! I'm moderate. Straight Talk Express."

"Please, I beg you. I exist, I tell you. I do. I am! I am! I am! Uncle! Uncle! Genghis, please! Uncle!"

Four minutes, forty seconds. Close, Senator McCain, close.

Miscommunication with Kucinich

We had a morning interview with Democrat candidate Dennis Kucinich set for early this morning. When we arrived, we were informed, through the candidate's secretary, that there was some confusion about the nature of the meeting. Candidate Kucinich was under the impression that the meeting was to be a seance, and that I would only be present in the ethereal sense. I passed on my regrets regarding the misunderstanding, and my desire to hold a very substantive (in all senses of the word) interview.

He returned his regrets that I was still alive, and denied the interview.

Fortunately there was no such misunderstanding in our interview with Senator John McCain later in the morning. A report on that interview -- I have not quite decided whether I regret the actions I took there -- will be posted later today, probably before dinner.

Asashoryu, Jimmy, and I are all quite tired from covering this campaign. It has been a fascinating experience, but one we hope to soon conclude with an official endorsement. We appreciate the outpouring of interest and support from readers.

Your Email

I promised a week ago to answer a question that had come up frequently in your emails; namely, whether the U.S. has an "arrogant bunker mentality" and should it, and so on.

First, there seems to be some confusion as to what "bunker mentality" means, with many people assuming it means gravitating towards simple-minded military solutions. That's not what it means. Merriam-Webster defines "bunker mentality" as "a state of mind especially among members of a group that is characterized by chauvinistic defensiveness and self-righteous intolerance of criticism."

So, when Secretary of State Rice responds to the criticism by saying, "The idea that somehow this is a go-it-alone policy is just simply ludicrous," and, "One would only have to be not observing the facts, let me say that, to say that this is now a go-it-alone foreign policy," she A) demonstrates that she does not know what "bunker mentality" means, and B) demonstrates that the administration has an arrogant bunker mentality.

But the larger issue that so many reader emails addressed is whether the policies themselves are effective. So let me give you a very brief overview of various recent Middle East policies.

1) Keep the various factions fighting each other, supplying them with semi-advanced weaponry. Since they need your weapons/intel/etc, they will continue to sell you oil. This option works particularly well (as it did for Reagan) when a second super power is playing the same game. When the second super power collapses, there is significant danger that all factions will wise up to the game, and begin to identify you as the real enemy. This may be particularly aggravated when the new President is a former CIA director.

2) Enjoy your sole super-power status (a.k.a. peace dividend) and abandon Machiavellian tactics, enjoying low oil-prices, so that your dependence on the Middle East rises just as fast as their dependence on you falls.

3) Start picking the newly empowered rogues off one by one, dramatically inflating oil prices and military expenses, in return for which you get to watch the occasionally satisfying hanging. This option is considerably slowed by the need to establish ground-up stable governments in the wake of the deposed regimes, in order to keep pumping and selling the oil.

The paper which produced the "arrogant bunker mentality" line (found here, or in audio version here -- also look for parts 2-7 there) presents an option somewhat like the first policy described above, only rather than making instability the goal, a drift towards stability is encouraged by demanding the institution of human rights and sound economic policies. Simultaneously, a track of energy independence is pursued, which removes the requirement of leaving stable governments to continue pumping oil.

Full disclosure: I didn't cut my teeth stabilizing governments by demanding the institution of human rights and sound economic policies. I took a different tack, but I won't bother you with the nuances. Having said that, the notion of playing factions against each other in order to influence policies towards the betterment of the average person in each faction, while meanwhile trying to remove your own need to play the game (what should we call it, "Compassionate Machiavellianism"?) -- I approve.

No Dirt On Mitt Romney

In the US, you can put your telephone number on a "Do Not Call List" so that businesses cannot solicit you, because your right to a quiet evening is more important than their desire to do business with you. You cannot, however, be removed from the lists of political pollsters, because your right to a quiet evening is not as important as a politician's right to pander to you.

Similarly, if you wish to offer an opinion on the business prospects of Exxon, you must note whether the company that pays you to have an opinion, or any company broadcasting your opinion, has any ownership in Exxon, because that relationship might influence the opinion. However if you are a major radio personality offering opinions on political candidates, and are either networked on Premiere Radio Networks (wholly owned subsidiary of Clear Channel Communications) or are broadcast on some set of Clear Channel's 1200 radio stations (i.e., if you are any radio host anyone has heard of), you do not need to disclose whether one of said candidates is co-founder (retired, still profit-sharing) of Bain Capital, which, along with one other major player, recently purchased Clear Channel Communications. You would not need to disclose this because, well, hmmm.

And that brings us to Mitt Romney, the wealthiest of the candidates, and the man with whom I was able, along with Mongolian-born Sumo-wrestling champion Asashoryu, and my nephew Jimmy, to breakfast this morning. (Asashoryu insists that it is OK to use 'breakfast' as a verb since it cost $300 per plate.)

Candidate Romney was refreshingly direct in seeking an endorsement: "I'm pro-life, pro-gun, anti-gay marriage, pro-contructionist judges, and pro-Sumo. I can be pro-pillaging, but only through the primaries, then I've got to go anti-pillaging for the general. But if you can deliver New Jersey for me, I can go pro-pillaging in my third year. Now, can we do business?"

Of course I assured Mr. Romney that I had myself given up pillaging long ago, do not approve of it, and had no intention of going back to it.

"Well good, that certainly simplifies things. This may be easier than I thought." And he stood up, walked over to a gaggle of advisers some fifty feet away, chatted briefly, and returned. "O.K., I'm anti-pillaging. Listen, I know you'll be giving an endorsement soon. You'll want to think it over for awhile in privacy, and I'd like to provide a place where you can do that. How about a 6,000 square foot luxury residence beach-side in Miami? Would that be a good place for you to write a Romney endorsement?"

Jimmy joined in, "My uncle does his best thinking in a mud hut in the Khangai Mountains."

Romney stared at us blankly, "What's mud?"

Then, after about ten minutes of trying to relate to him the essence of mud, and its usefulness in such things as construction, he headed back over to his advisers. They discussed somewhat intensely for a good 20 minutes, and he returned.

"I'm pro-mud, but don't quote me on that yet."

Breakfast with Mitt

The were fortunate to eat breakfast with candidate and former Governor Mitt Romney this morning ... a review of that interview is expected later today, however it has been a very busy day, and I cannot promise the interview will appear before tomorrow.

Jimmy and Asashoryu have expressed that they wished to join me in wishing all a Very Merry Christmas!

Ron Paul , The Man From Green Tree

As noted before, this entire experiment in endorsing a U.S. Presidential candidate began with a more-or-less unprovoked attack by Ron Paul minions, which crippled my Inbox for over a week. So I have looked forward to meeting the man himself, and was finally able to do so yesterday afternoon in the candidate's office.

I began by challenging his positions on the Gold Standard, the merits of a Federal Reserve, prostitution, trade restrictions, privatized roads, the Department of Commerce, Social Security, medicare, the State Department, various matters related to War Powers, and so forth. Well over a dozen topics, which he handled in a reasonably unflappable manner. That is not to say that his stands on these issues are impressive (they are not), or even that he argued his points particularly well (he did not). After a few rounds he generally resorted to such retorts as "Well I guess you're more accomplished than Friedrich Hayek and Murray Rothbard," (I am,) "because that's who you're arguing with."

Jimmy noted that his voting against spending bills, into which he himself has inserted earmarks, is disingenuous given that his 'no' vote on the bill is irrelevant in a body of 435, while his personal insertion of the earmarks is the one aspect he could have controlled. Yet still, Dr. Paul remained composed, and defended his record semi-plausibly.

Then I stated in a very mild voice that as the man who led a small, divided nation to conquer the largest empire the world has ever seen, I could assure him that his doctrines of non-interventionism are the very lifeblood of an aggressively expansionist regime. That's when he became angry.

All of the sudden he stood up and let into me for slaughtering millions (I did), the Talibanesque destruction of numerous invaluable historical monuments (I did, but most of those would have been gone by now anyway) as well as the complete erasure of several cultures (ditto). And then we're both standing and yelling at each other, covering all the same topics that we had earlier, and all this time his aids enter the room with increasing frequency to remind him how important it was I and my delegation leave before the three o'clock hour. But I've really got him spitting mad now, and he won't let the argument end.

So three o'clock arrived. The door shuts, and we hear it being bolted from outside the office. The room falls silent, and Dr. Paul turns a wild, Cheshire-cat grin.


He sat down, pulled out a crisp U.S. dollar bill, and says, "Do you know how much this is worth? Whatever the government says it's worth." Then he pulls out, much to our surprise, a stash of cannabis, which he carefully rolled into the dollar, and says, "Now what's it worth -- let's find out."

Thus is began. The jovial genie was the first one out of the bottle:

There once was a man from Green Tree,
Who strove to defend liberty,
Now they call him a joke,
While he pulls on a toke,
But that's just between you and me.

Then the sad/thoughtful genie:

"Those Austrians swore the currency would be worth nothing by now, and you know what? Now I've got $30 million dollars to spend. I can buy three trips on a Russian Rocket and I can't get over 6% is Iowa. It's not quite irony, and I guess that's the saddest thing of all."

Then the self-reflective genie:

"Do you have any idea what it's like to scare a kid? No, I don't mean the kind of scare you give them when a Mongul warlord is about to slit their throat and lay waste to everything they've ever known, I mean REALLY scare a kid. The kind of scare you give him when you tell him that no matter how hard he works, no matter how much studying, toiling, and saving, no matter if every choice he makes is wise and honorable, it'll all be taken away before he turns fifty by an ignorant, blundering, and Machiavellian government. When you tell them the whole nation is under a spell by globalists, tri-lateralists, and interventionists. Do you have any concept how that feels?"

Then he fell asleep. In a few moments, the door unlocked, and we left.

Merry Christmas, Love Genghis K.

We interviewed Ron Paul yesterday afternoon, and will have that interview posted shortly -- there are a few things said during the interview that we need to check our translations of -- we all speak English fairly fluently, but there are just some things that don't translate as well to the Mongolian mind. In this case, there's a bit of poetry to check on.

So I'll take this opportunity to answer a question that has appeared frequently in your emails. Many of you have asked "How does Genghis celebrate Christmas?" That's a good question -- for those that are unaware, Mongolia was perhaps the most religiously repressed nation on Earth for most of the last century. Don't blame me -- I was quite open to Christianity, and in fact my grandson attempted to establish it in Mongolia, asking the pope for 100 teachers. He didn't send them, but let's get beyond that, shall we?

So today I am allowed to speak of Christianity and Christmas, even while in my country, but Mongolia still suffers badly from the hurts imposed by the Communists and others. (For a view of John Lennon's world with "no religion", click here, or even here.)

I myself struggled between Buddhism and Christianity for much of my life, and now consider myself a "Kobe satellite" Christian. So I look forward to a wonderful Christmas holiday in the United States.

Genghis wishes you a Merry Christmas!

Joe Biden Sniffs Us Out

It was said of my conquering hordes, that those we attacked first became aware of our coming, not by the sound of the galloping battle horses, but by the stench of the warriors who rode upon them. Ahhhh, for the days.

So perhaps Senator Biden can be forgiven for his first comments upon greeting our delegation.

"Wow, you're clean! I mean, I just didn't expect -- hey everyone, look, they've had a bath and everything!" Then he gets right up to Asashoryu, toe-to-toe, nose-to-navel, takes a big whiff, and says, "Petunias -- look at that." Creepy, yes, but Asashoryu took it well, and in fact it's true -- Sumo wrestlers have the highest hygienic standards in the world -- more on that another day -- and the man smells like flowers -- I don't know if it's the bath salts or what, they've just never been my thing, but I respect him. He is Sumo. He is yokozuna.

We said nothing for the first 30 minutes or so. Not a word. Never had a chance. Not even when he asked a question. The conversation went something like this:

"You know, I know more about Mongolia than any of the other candidates. More than all of them put together. I know it's gross national product. I know it's per capita income and the composition of it's armed forces. I know that Mongolia is the world's seventh largest producer of molybdenum I bet you didn't even know that, and they've got you on their currency. They ought to have me on the currency. I know you've got 15% of the world's deposits of fluorspar, and I know your Prime Minister, Sanjaagiin, has a little psoriasis problem that he doesn't like to talk about. He didn't tell you about that, did he? You see what I'm getting at? You see what I'm getting at here? I'm the only candidate qualified to take this job."

And on it went.

Eventually I was able to speak, and asked him about the situation in Iraq, which I have discussed with each of the candidates. So that sets him talking for another 30 minutes. He's saying again and again that there needs to be a political solution, that the solution is always in the end, political, that there has never been a military solution to anything. And I can't believe it, because he's looking right at me the whole time he's saying this, as though he expects I'll just come to the realization that it was the politicians, and not the generals, who established my Great Empire.

All this talking apparently made him hungry, because he asked Asashoryu to go get us all some donuts down the street. If you don't know about the Sumo dietary regimens, you have no idea how offensive this is, but Asashoryu is a gentle spirit. My nephew Jimmy and I immediately expressed great interest in seeing a real live donut shop, and insisted that we accompany Asashoryu.

I don't know whether the donut shop was any good -- we just took our chance to leave, and never came back.

Your email

Jimmy has got the email working again (see sidebar), following it's devastation at the hands of Ron Paul supporters. Most of it was lost, but we have dozens of emails from the last week or so. Nearly one-third, interestingly, are asking me to comment on whether the United States has an "arrogant bunker mentality." This is obviously in reference to Candidate Mike Huckabee's assertions to that effect.

Well, I'm minutes away from meeting with Senator Joseph Biden, and will not be able to comment immediately. In fact, I find it wise to read the entire article (which Jimmy has located for me here), before commenting. It's a bit long, but fair is fair, so I will read it. Please be patient.

As to the many other emails, some I will be able to address, most I will not, and no, I am not the father of Ms. Simpson's baby.

Onward to Senator Joseph Biden. On this point, while it is a bit late in the case of Candidate Biden, now that the email is working again, if you have particular questions or concerns for me to address with a candidate, please email me (the link is to your right, somewhere). We have remaining appointments with Candidates Obama, Huckabee, Paul, Kucinich, and Romney. We are still working on settling on a time to speak with Senator McCain.

So we talked to Giuliani

Jimmy is back in action, having fully recovered from the aftermath of our meeting with Fred Thompson. So all three of us (my nephew Jimmy, Mongolian-born Sumo champion Asashoryu, and I) were able to spend some time with the former mayor of New York, New York, Rudolph Giuliani.

We arrived, and though we were invited guests of the mayor, we were immediately stopped at the door by two of the biggest thugs you've seen in your life. Now, I've been around thugs and fighters all of my life, and let me tell you -- there is a big difference, and these two are of the former sort. I'm not saying they can't fight, and could probably beat most anyone they happen on, but they aren't fighters. Asashoryu is a fighter. These guys were thugs.

So we're stopped, and the stupider looking one of the two says, "Weapons check." That's not a phrase I was personally familiar with, so I just tried my best to mirror the stupid look on the man's face. "No guns in the campaign headquarters," he says.

Ah, OK, fair enough. We don't travel with guns.

But that wasn't good enough. The less-stupid looking one looks at Asashoryu and says, "He's a weapon. He stays outside."

I've by-and-large set my conquering warlord ways aside lately, but some things you just can't resist, can you? So I give Asashoryu the signal.

Asashoryu is a very peaceful man, one of the most peaceful I've met, but he just hadn't been himself since we left Mongolia, and besides, having not been able to meet his strict Sumo dieting regimen while crossing Iowa, I think he basically felt the whole country had it coming.

If you've never seen Asashoryu fight, find a way to do it. He's not just Sumo, he's yokozuna. And he's glory in motion. He made a lightening fast lunge at the dumber (looking) thug, gripping the man's throat with one hand, his groin with the other. He's low, center-of-gravity beneath the thug's, and if you've seen much Sumo, you know it's over at this point. So he lifts the dumber (looking) one into his not-quite-as-stupid-looking friend, top-of-head into the chin, knocking the less-stupid looking one out cold. Then the thug he's grabbing he sends flying.


I don't know if either one ever woke up. Don't really care.

What happened next still leaves me in awe. I just see a blur, and there's this little guy who's jumped up on Asashoryu's back .... one blow to the back of the head, and my fighter buckles under -- out cold like the others. The little guy -- it's America's Mayor, Candidate Giuliani.

So Giuliani points to me and Jimmy. "You two, inside." We go inside, and, I don't know how to explain it, but when the guy tells you to do something, you just do it.

"Sit down. No guns, we've settled that. No tape recorders, no cameras, no 'off-the-record' nonsense. No vandalizing, no graffiti, no pillaging, no racial slurs, none of that America-had-it-coming crap, either. You want some girls, you let me know, just not in Time Square. No chewing gum. No soliciting. No roughhouse, no carousing, no playing peeping-Tom." Then he gets this wide grin, sticks out his hand, "I'm the mayor, it's so good to meet you."

The guy's really warm. We talked the issues -- he's most concerned with terrorism, you know. He's got a pretty good handle on it, not that I'm used to looking at that side of things, realize. He was also quite nice about Asashoryu, once he realized who's skull he'd broken his hand over. I asked him not let word of the incident leak to the JSA, as they've really been out to get him lately. Not only did the mayor promise to keep a cover on it, he said he'd have his people talk to the JSA -- "I'll make it all go away, you've got my word on that." I hope so.

I apologized about the broken hand, and he says, "Hey, I was looking for an excuse to get back to the hospital -- the nurses in there, let me tell you!" Really a disarming sort of guy, pardon the expression.

OK, so can he get the Genghis Khan endorsement? I really like the guy, but let's just say his issues aren't my issues, so we'll see. Meanwhile Asashoryu is doing much better, and in fact, seems to be himself again for the first time since we left Mongolia. Whether it was your prayers, or the fights, I don't know. But on behalf of Mongolia, I thank you.

Next up -- Senator Joseph Biden.

A Worthy Candidate

Jimmy came out of the trance induced in the aftermath of our Fred Thompson interview, but continues to suffer from aftereffects of nausea and exhaustion, so he was unable to join us in our interview yesterday of Senator Clinton. This is a terrible shame, because the interview was a tremendously positive experience.

To begin with, we were met in the lobby of the Clinton New York Headquarters by the candidate and a large entourage of primarily Secret Service agents. As a Khagan, I am not unfamiliar with being treated with great dignity, but to be met in the building lobby, rather than having to ascend to the top floors, was quite considerate, especially for a humble Mongolian emperor who prefers simple mud huts.

In fact, we were immediately escorted out of the building all together, and flown by a military helicopter to a beautiful park in New York. Somewhat stunned that we could meet surreptitiously in such a large, open, park, I asked Senator Clinton if it were somehow private. "It is today."

We quickly got to discussing the issues facing the United States, and our dialog was like music itself. I felt that the senator knew me, what drove me to my conquests, then to my retreat from world affairs, and finally to my more recent activities. We discussed foreign relationships, military strategy, monetary policy, wine, women, and song, macro economics, campaign strategies, even German poetry. The senator had command over all of these topics, and the pleasantry of his company can hardly be overstated.

Of course, I cannot offer an endorsement before meeting with the other candidates, but I will certainly say that there is at least one candidate in the Democrat field that I admire tremendously. I could well see an endorsement of Senator Bill Clinton for President of the United States.

A Man Of Mysterious Powers

Jimmy made some progress on the AskGenghis Inbox since Ron Paul zealots laid waste to it last week. He said that if you submit a question now, it might make it to us, but no promises. And, as you will see, there is an additional complication.

We continued our U.S. Presidential Candidates study with an interview of Fred Thompson. I think. We all distinctly remember entering the Thompson headquarters. Just outside the headquarters there were a number of buckets, some filled with ice water, while others were empty. I remember thinking this must have something to do with the global warming that Senator Edwards discussed.

We were served very strong coffee on entering, which Asashoryu politely refused, due to strict dietary regiments (he is having great troubles here, please continue to pray for him), then ushered immediately into Mr. Thompson's office.

All three of us remember being warmly greeted by Mr. Thompson, a noble and gentle man. But our next memory, each of us, was that of lying outside the headquarters with Mr. Thompson's assistants throwing a bucket of ice water on each of our faces. So strange. By the time we felt reoriented, we realized we were well on our way to returning to our hotel rooms. And we had been at the Thompson headquarters for approximately 4 hours.

This was most disturbing, especially since I do not wish to qualify, or disqualify Mr. Thompson based on our mutual punctuated amnesia. After all, I sense a great strength in Mr. Thompson. So after some discussion, it was decided that Asashoryu would attempt a hypnosis to determine what had transpired in the Thompson headquarters. Asashoryu is not a professional hypnotist, but has been hypnotized by a great master prior to many of his fights.

So Jimmy was hypnotized while I watched. He seemed to be trying to recount our discussion with Mr. Thompson. I believe I heard, "actuarial planning horizon," "cola price inflation indexing," "diversity visa lottery," and "incentivize tranparent performance gap." Then something odd happened. Jimmy said, quite distinctly, "at the end of the day" at which point the trance seemed to ricochet. Both Asashoryu and Jimmy were left stone still, and I was left to, with great difficulty, awaken them both.

An hour later Asashoryu suggested that we try again with his master hypnotist, Kageyu Ikoma. So we did, teleconferencing in to him. Kageyu is amazing. He took almost an hour just to condition Jimmy before beginning to probe the discussion with Thompson. He pulled out, "strict constructionist judges" and "affordable, fully accessible, and portable," and "Dobson sucks."
Then Jimmy said, "at the end of the day."

The telecom link immediately went dead, and Jimmy has not responded to any stimulation since, and Kageyu Ikoma cannot be reached.

We will have to continue our candidate interviews with or without Jimmy. Please pray that he is not permanently damaged by this ordeal. As for the endorsement, I will have to reflect deeply on the disturbing developments at the Thompson headquarters.

Two Americas, No Endorsement

Former Senator John Edwards began our discussion by informing us that there are two Americas. (Mr. Edwards is a Democrat, one of two primary political parties in the United States, but these two parties, as he explained to us, are not the same thing as the two Americas.)

Mr Edwards first described his two Americas as the "rich" America and the "poor" America. After some questioning, followed by our insistence that having a one-story house does not constitute "poor" a lengthy argument erupted (please pray for Asashoryu, he has not handled the adjustments that travel necessitates well, and, following a narrowly avoided cavity search at LAX, has been quite disturbed.) over our abilities to understand certain subtleties of the English language.

Eventually Mr. Edward retreated to the description of the two Americas as "normal" and a word we were not familiar with -- "yucky." He went on to explain that he is in the normal America, but claims rights to the votes of yucky Americans (Mr. Edwards assures us that there are far more yucky voters than normal voters).

The right Mr. Edwards claims to the yucky voters caused some confusion, but in order to prevent another altercation, I did not insist on a full understanding. As I have it, and again, I did not fully understand, Mr. Edwards will win the yucky voters with the promise of making nearly all of the normal Americans yucky as well. This is especially important, forgive me if I misunderstood, because of global warming. Normal Americans are much better at causing the global warming -- or not causing it, perhaps.

To be honest, these last details were not terribly important to me. A great leader must seek to unite a diverse people. In such, Mr. Edwards is the very antithesis of a Great Kahn, and cannot wield power, even if it is handed to him.

I have been told not to make an endorsement, or rule out an endorsement, until I have spoken with all of the candidates, but I am the Great Khagan of Mongolia, and my decision stands.

Coming To America

Asashoryu, Jimmy, and I are en route to the United States. We are over the Pacific now, will land in Los Angeles, fly from LAX to the International Airport of Tijuana, and cross from Tijuana back into the U.S. Jimmy says this will be much quicker than waiting to get through security at LAX.

Got you, right? Just kidding. So you see I have been studying the political situation in the U.S. so that I can ask challenging question and give a good endorsement.

Jimmy has scheduled time with candidates Biden, Kucinich, Romney, Edwards, Osama, and Thompson. He says there are several more -- this is a very big race! No wonder too, when I was in politics it was a much riskier business.

The flight is long. Asashoryu is getting very hungry. Everyone on board agreed to give all their food to him, but he's hungry again and there's still two hours left on the flight. Asashoryu is very sensitive to his blood sugar level, so I fear what will happen if the flight attendants do not find more food.

On My Way

My nephew Jimmy says the email is gone. Completely useless. May not work again for weeks, if ever. He's spitting furious at Ron Paul, but now I almost admire the man. From what Jimmy says, his hordes are unstoppable. Utterly invincible. Complete desolation. Oh, for the days.

Jimmy is also angry at me for admitting that I didn't know who Ron Paul was. He says everyone who has a blog has to know who Ron Paul is. OK, fine, so now I know. But that wasn't enough. "Uncle," he says, "you're an important world leader. I want you to go to the United States. I want you to meet with the people who are running to be President."

I told him no. I just don't travel as much as I used to. So then I'm telling all this to my good friend Asashoryu, and Asashoryu says, "Temujin, it is a wonderful idea. You should do this. I will go with you, it will give us time to spend together."

So I agreed. Jimmy and Asashoryu will make all the arrangements. They say all I will have to do is talk to the candidates and make an endorsement. At least I will get to spend some time with an old friend.

Please, watch the language

Paraphrasing 15 emails from Stryker1053, Valkry214, and so forth:

Khan, you war mongering Mongoloid. Your foreign policy was a disaster. Something-something-something- tangled in foreign alliances -- something, something, something, money with no real worth, -- more somethings -- at least you were pro-life.

First, when you call me Khan, you are calling me your leader. If you are here to talk, and not to listen, call me Genghis, or Temujin. Second, warmonger is one word, but more importantly, I am a warrior, not a warmonger. I go to war, I don't stir it up. Third, Mongoloid is an adjective; I am a Mongol.

OK, my nephew says I shouldn't admit this, but I didn't know who Ron Paul was. Not the slightest idea. But I've known his type. We have them in Mongolia. Always have. The first I remember was a construction engineer I sent to Angkor Wat, the temple to Vishnu, in hopes of making something of a duplicate for our people. He comes back and gives me all these reasons why the construction techniques, "won't work." It's standing there as real as a Yak turd and he's still telling me why it "won't work."

I know, I know, it wasn't something we were up to. Yes, we ended up having to scratch the whole culture thing and go for military victory instead. But if it's too complicated, just say so. Why say it can't work if somebody is already doing it? I do not regret his end.

I miss the simpler times as much as anybody. But some things have to be left behind. Gold currency is a great way to pay tribute to a Mongoloid warlord. It's reasonably compact, and divides easily. But how much did you really need?

There just isn't enough precious metal to use as currency -- do you know how many people are paying strangers to cut their toe-nails -- it's amazing. There's far too much commerce to have it all trace back to metals.

I'm a simple man -- monetary policy is far beyond me. But it works. There are hiccups, but if you want someone to cut your toe nails, you're going to have to trust someone to maintain your currency.

The same is true for foreign policy, and military policy, and all the other things that few people understand today. You cannot run away from it. The world will not stay put.