Close, Senator McCain, Close

Navy Captain John S. McCain served the United States with great courage in the Vietnam War, forsaking the privileges of his birth for the harshest trials of self-learned honor. He also repeatedly bridled against authority, crimes that would have led to his death in my armies. So I approached our interview of him with great intrigue.

We discussed a great many matters -- the loyalty he cultivated from junior officers, the frequent disdain he held for senior officers, the role of the legislature in military policy, the current complexities in the Middle East, etc. Eventually the discussion turned to interrogations, where I noted that he had spoken forcefully against the technique known as waterboarding. His answer was quite frank:

"It doesn't work -- all it produces is a bunch of bad information, and I'm the only candidate that can say that. Yeah, I've got Huckabee saying it too, but the guy's a pansy and he looks afraid of the deep side of the pool -- just look at him. And Romney, don't even get me started on Romney. You want Romney to talk just give him a $50 campaign contribution and he'll spill his guts and his principals all at once. Giuliani? They'll never take him alive, so it hardly matters, does it? He can't talk about torture because deep down we all know he'd do it to any of us in a heartbeat. So I'm the only one that can talk about it. The Viet Cong broke half my bones, and you know what I did? I gave them the Packers offense lineup, that's what I did. Yeah, and -- hey, what's the longest you ever had a guy hold out on you?"

That sort of question makes me very uncomfortable, but given that he was an abused POW for over five years, I decided I'd give him the dignity of an honest answer. "Four minutes, fifty seconds."

"Wow! They beat me for days before getting anything out of me. You're saying nobody lasted five minutes with you?"

"As we both know," I replied respectfully, "the most coercive methods are not physical, but mental."

He chewed on this silently for several minutes, then he said what I feared most. "Show me."

We fought over the point for a half hour, during which time I witnessed first hand the McCain temper, as well as his innate disrespect for those of higher rank than himself. I suffered through much verbal abuse, to the point where Asashoryu was nearly in tears over the matter. So I gave in. I quietly asked Asashoryu and Jimmy to leave the Senator and I alone. They did, and Senator McCain held himself bravely.

For two minutes I sat silently, staring at a spot on the floor. Then I looked blankly around the room, as though I were alone, and asked myself aloud, "Where did the Senator go? I did not mean for him to leave." He waved his hands.

I continued to look blankly and he called out, "What do you mean? I'm right here. Are you daft? Hello? Hello?" This, of course, I ignored. Again I sat back silently, as his agitation turned to panic. "Oh, I get it. You're ignoring me, aren't you? Hey, cut it out. You can't ignore me! I'm a Senator, a maverick Senator. Stop it! Please, look at me. Say something about me! I'm moderate. Straight Talk Express."

"Please, I beg you. I exist, I tell you. I do. I am! I am! I am! Uncle! Uncle! Genghis, please! Uncle!"

Four minutes, forty seconds. Close, Senator McCain, close.