First of all, I want to point out that I have now heard two news show hosts use the term "Compassionate Machiavellianism," a term that I coined here. You can easily verify on Google that I invented the term -- I mention that only as a response to the great number of comments I have received concerning the merit of this blog.
But on to the important matters. Governor Huckabee, whom I endorsed several days ago, called today in something close to a panic. I'll relay as accurately as I can what he said. As I've told him, anything he says to me is fair game for my readers. So this is (roughly) what he said:
"I need help on this and there aren't many places I can turn. This has gotten way out of hand. I've been running for VP from the start, doesn't anybody get that anymore? If these other guys had the slightest political sense, I'd have never been up 20 points in Iowa. I mean, I did everything I could to blow it, but it's hard giving up 20 points. I sent Drudge that family photo -- what did that lose me? 2 points? I tried Pakistan, I waffled on my own ads, I hired Rollins -- there's a guy that hasn't won in 23 years, but even he couldn't lose me more than a point or so.
"A win in Iowa I could handle, but come on -- 9 points! And to Mitt who, I'm sorry, the guy tries to solve his "genuineness" problem wearing plaid -- this guy does not belong in the big leagues!
"The numbers are not looking good. McCain is supposed to win this thing for me, but how much help do I need to give him? And John, please, stop telling people you might be too old for a second term -- get on camera drinking a Coke or something, that's all you need to do to win this thing -- it's a WEAK FIELD!
"I may have to turn to Ron Paul for help -- somebody is going to have to scare my voters, but they've got to understand them first. And they can't. These are the same kind of people who try to understand statistics and come up with phrases like, 'statistical tie' -- it just isn't happening."
I calmed him down. This whole VP strategy was news to me, so I got him to explain it. It's really two things -- first, becoming President now means his life is pretty much over in 8 years, and I have to agree, he's far too young for that. Second, he'd like to repeat a trick he pulled off in Arkansas, you can get 2 1/2 terms by inheriting the office before your first election win. I asked him if he can count on that with McCain, and he assured me it was no problem.
OK, so he's calm now. There's still plenty of time to lose this thing, and we might even be able to help McCain with his weaknesses. For my part, I'll be heading over to the Wyoming primaries tomorrow. We've identified some key districts we can raze to suppress the vote. The governor assures me that pretty much anything could happen in Wyoming and the press won't cover it -- so Huckabee fans in Wyoming, stay home tomorrow or you'll meet my hordes.
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