Coming in Second Place

While I will not be revealing Senator McCain's VP selection, I will now reveal the last runner up. And no, Senator McCain will not be releasing the name of the final selection early ... the campaign tactics (in part derived from the battle philosophies of your Khagan) are to repeatedly test the enemy with small tactical strikes, to learn how he thinks, how he reacts, what he is capable of. For instance, suggest that you might step all over his convention. See how he reacts. Instead of stepping on the convention, release an ad congratulating him; see how he reacts.


The 2nd place finisher in the race for Republican VP was Neil Diamond:

Technically, the first choice for VP was Rachael Muhammad Gonzales, as the $23 million dollar software they purchased insisted that the surest path to victory was to find a running mate of that name, however no such person could be found. So, the computer said, the next best thing was to find someone with great appeal to disaffected Hillary voters, primarily women 55 to 69. Thus, the Jazz Singer.

Neil Diamond is certainly no conservative, but was vacuous enough to fill the VP role on virtually any ticket (I'm largely echoing the opinions of the political class here, I'm no expert on these things, so I hope nothing is lost in translation). The fallout came over the campaign theme song. To nobody's surprise, Neil insisted that one of his songs be made the new campaign theme song. Senator McCain and the political class found a few that they thought could work. "America", "I'm a Believer", "Solitary Man", "The Boat That I Row", they were even to take a chance with, "Brother Love's Travelling Salvation Show", but Mr. Diamond would have none of them.

Neil insisted on using "You Don't Bring Me Flowers Anymore." That, it was decided, would sink the campaign, and nobody could understand why he would want to use it. He kept insisting, "It's my favorite song," and occassionally adding, "I think maybe I could bring Barbra Streisand onboard with it. Maybe."

I'm told someone finally told him what everyone thought of Babs, and maybe his music in general, leading to a blowup that threw out his voice. And that was that.

Congratulations, Senator Obama!

I absolutely had to write tonight to congratulate Senator Obama on this great achievement, becoming the first African American to win the nomination of a major United States political party. A fantastic accomplishment, on behalf of his party and his nation.

Now, regarding his selection for vice president, I'm not so happy. I find it personally offensive that of the 6+ billion people in the world, Senator Obama saw fit to select the one man known to be the least likely to be one of my descendants. Senator Clinton is a much stronger, bolder pick, and we are at this time attempting to document her direct descent from your Khagan.

I have spent much of the last 7 months repeatedly watching Mongol, easily the best movie ever made, starring the amazingly handsome Tadanobu Asano. I'm perhaps a bit biased, as I was used extensively as a consultant on this film. You should watch this movie at least once each week. I'm am your Khan. I am you Khagan.

Regarding the presidential process again, you will recall my involvement with Governor Huckabee, and to an extent with Senator McCain, see below. These contacts led to my introduction to the American commanders fighting the Iraq war, and thus the inevitable defeat of the evil enemies there. These efforts are nearly complete, and I will meet with Senator McCain again presently.

My best to you all.